DOMESTIC DISCIPLINE VERSUS DOMINATE / SUBMISSIVE RELATIONSHIPS
Date: Mon, 25 Aug 2003 04:48:41 -0000
From: "Brandy"
Subject: Re: DD vs D/S
Now that's an interesting point bran , wonder if any of them
actually enjoy the punishment bit. Maybe we should bring , that up as a point on
the brat site , they sure do like writing about punishing us . *VBG*
*********You know , that is interesting . I haven't heard a spanker yet
that actually enjoys giving a punishing spanking . How about you guys out
here ? Anyone here actually enjoy it ? Or do you enjoy the feelings
and submissiveness etc that comes as a result of giving the spanking ? Do
you ever feel satisfied that you have done something to correct your s/o's
behaviour ? Inquiring minds want to know !
Why bother ? Voluntary confession is dumb . Brat till the end huh bran ,
not volunteering anything , he has to catch you out . Hmm let's talk about those
unrealistic expectations girl .
1 . Sheesh girl the man is human , other than placing you under 24 hrs surveillance
how on earth would he find out everything you are doing , then if he did he
would be so exhausted he couldn't spank you . Bran you wouldn't like feeling
like you are under a microscope .
********* Well Deb , I don't want him to watch me 24/7 . I just want him
to be more aware of me and what I'm doing . I'm not against confessing per
se .... if I am pressed or questioned , I will not lie . But he has have enough
interest to see through my " getting around him " tactics and get to
the bottom of things , instead of willingly let me throw him off because he
really doesn't want to go there very bad anyway. Its the attitude Deb ,
the interest , the double check to make sure I'm keeping to my commitments .
For instance .... scenario ! .... Bran has not kept to her exercise commitments,
has skipped all three categories for the week . She knows this means 90
swats , 30 for each category .
Along comes Rick ... giggle . " Hi hon , how you been doing this week
? Everything going okay while I've been gone ? " he asks .
" Sure honey , everything's fine . " I reassure him .
" Have you been doing your exercises ? "
" Umm mostly , I didn't make it on Wednesday because it was too hot .
Its been 106 here, did you realize that ? "
" No kidding ! Its been hot down there too . How about fixing
me a cold drink . I want to relax for awhile before dinner . " He
goes off to bedroom to relax , end of scenario .
Now , I confessed that I had not kept up my commitments . I did .
However , knowing 90 swats would be coming , I deflect the issue . My
feeling is , that if he were really into me and what I'm doing , the scenario
would go something like this ....
" Hi hon , how you been doing this week ? Everything going okay while
I've been gone ? " he asks .
" Sure honey , everything's fine , " I reassure him .
" Have you been doing your exercises ? "
" Umm mostly , I didn't make it on Wednesday because it was too hot .
Its been 106 here , did you realize that ? "
" Yes I know . Its been hot down there too . But that's not a
reason for not doing your exercises . How many did you miss ? Did
you miss all three categories ? You know you have to keep up with your
program to keep your back muscles healthy . " He looks calmly at me
waiting for my reply .
Now there is a simple attitude difference here that I think is what makes the
difference between those wired to spanking and those who aren't . Sure , I can
confess and get myself into trouble easily . But I don't like the hard
spankings , I just know they help me to achieve my goals . But if I have
to stand on my head to get him to do it , I don't feel supported . I need
to know that I CAN'T get out of the consequences of not doing my exercises in
order for it to be really effective for me. If I know he's going to be
checking , if I know he won't let me sidetrack him , if I know he's going to
blister my butt for not doing them, then I am MUCH more motivated to do
them and to keep working towards my goals than if I have to tattle on
myself . If I have to do that then its like ... pffft .... I don't feel
like going there today , so I just won't mention it . It's not going to
happen anyway unless I make it happen , so I might as well spank myself . Does
anyone understand this concept ????? Sometimes I get so frustrated with
the confession crap, that I just want to give up !
2 . Just because you confess does not mean that he won't be taking notice of
your behaviour and usually we eventually give ourselves away anyhow . If you
haven't confessed this makes the punishment worse in my case .
*********** Understood . And if its about something that I KNOW he will
find out about , like money , then I do confess . Because it will be worse if he
gets the late notice in the mail and sees the overdue fees on it when I haven't
told him that it will be late . So yeah , I tell him then . But even
then , he may or may not do something about it . So whatever .
3 . Confession is about submission Bran , you don't like doing it , but it is
required in a DD , D/S relationship . See it's not about you Bran and what you
want it's about following the decisions that Rick makes , and if he says you are
to confess , then that's what you do whether you like it or not .
********** And see Deb ... if I really felt like it was that important to him to
confess , I might always do it . But I just think it's to easy to
sidetrack him because he really doesn't like to go there anyway . So it
becomes about attitude again , and lack of follow through .
Putting the ball back in my court to " get myself spanked " and I
simply don't want to . I don't want to be spanked that bad . Erotic
is enough for me to play around with if that's what it takes to get support for
other goals.
Hope this makes sense to everyone ... guess I've said enough about this subject
. . lol .
Bran
You might want to copy this one for him
too Bran . It's a subs letter to her Master, but you could edit it to suit you .
Might give him a better understanding of what you need .
I need to feel safe . Before I can begin
to open my submissive nature to you I need to feel safe and have reason to trust
you . To let down my walls and give you control of my will may take time and
testing before I feel safe enough to permit either of us to go beyond the
initial stages of our relationship . Even after I've given myself to you fully ,
I need to be reminded I am safe with you . I may like to feel the thrill and
excitement of fear and the unknown , but I need to be sure no matter how you
stimulate those emotions during an intense
scene or situation , I will remain safe in your care .
I need to know you accept me for all that I am . I will be many things to you as
our relationship grows and I need to know you accept me as a person during each
transition along the way . I need to know you accept me as a friend , lover ,
companion , and your submissive ; also
accept me as parent , child , employee , community member or other roles I fill
in my obligations to family or society .
I need to have clearly defined limits . I need to know exactly what you expect
of me and know that you also understand my limits . In some ways I am like a
child that needs a fence around my play area so I know how far I can go and feel
secure inside those limits . I need you to reinforce those fences by correcting
me when I try to climb them without your approval .
I need you to be consistent . I need to know you mean what you say and that
today's rules will apply to tomorrow's behaviour . Nothing confuses me more than
giving me mixed signals by allowing me to break rules that you have given me .
From time to time I may test you to see If you are capable of accepting control
of my life by consistently bringing me back to the path you have chosen for me .
It's not done to try your patience but is my way of finding reassurance you are
paying
attention to my progress . Very often its not done consciously and I promise I
will not use it as a method for provoking your negative responses.
I need to expand my limits . I need to grow and to be challenged . Left on my
own , I'll become bored or stagnant within the boundaries I accepted in the
beginning . I need to be pushed , but never shoved , to go beyond the places I
have been . I may drag my feet and pout at times , or sit down and refuse to
move because I am unsure and need your guidance in overcoming my obstacles . I
depend on you for strength and encouragement to get beyond them .
I need you to teach me . I need to learn and you are my teacher . My mind is
hungry for new things and learning helps me to become all that I can be . This
may require you to continue to learn new things in order to keep me challenged .
Together we can grow to the fullness of the gifts we have and deepen the
diversity that we share .
I need goals . Part of my make-up as a submissive makes me very goal oriented .
I need them to measure my progress and I need you to provide them for me in ways
that allow me to comprehend your plans for my growth . Without your direction I
quickly become lost so I'll look to you frequently to provide a purpose and aim
as I continue in my development as your submissive .
I need to be corrected . I need you to correct me when I make
mistakes . Without your correction I will develop bad habits that can be very
difficult to break and do great damage to our relationship and to us an
individuals . Without your correction , I may never know I have made a mistake .
Allowing me to continue unchecked will only cause me to fail both of us in the
end . I admire firmness in your correction and feel secure in knowing that you
will never be afraid to take the necessary steps to keep me focused on the goals
you have
set for me .
I need you to be my role model . I look up to you and try to follow in your
footsteps. If you fail to live up to a standard , I will follow you into
failure, often without you noticing until it is to late . I learn quickly by the
examples you provide for me and often base my reactions and behaviours on my
observations of you in similar situations . I will blindly pattern myself in
your image so be aware that my eyes will always be on you as you face your own
challenges and daily activities .
I think Brandy's needs , recently
discussed on this
site , will be reflected in the following , as , indeed ,
are mine .
The quotation is taken from pp 259 to 260 of a serious
text on spanking ( or flagellation , as the author dubs
it ) by Edward Anthony , published under the title " Thy
Rod and Staff " , Little Brown and Co , Great Britain ,
1995 . ( See REVIEW )
No form of sexuality is more ritualised than flagellation ...... Like any
religious ceremony , theatrical production or symphony of music , these
rites may be dissected into several component stages
( acts and movements ) each with its significance and
unique role in the inculcation of atmosphere and the
unfolding of plot . I have identified seven distinct stages of what may be
called the proto-ritual :
1 . Commission
The crime - usually an error of commission or omission
- takes place ; needless to say , with every expectation of .....
2 . Detection
The Dominant detects the error . This inexorably leads
to .......
3 . Confrontation
The guilty party is faced with the evidence of fault . Past record is invoked ,
judgement delivered and sentence is passed .
4 . Apprehension
A period of formal " waiting for it " . The purpose is to
increase tension .
5 . Preparation
The culprit is ordered to prepare ( posture , clothing , etc ) .
Alternatively , and if the scenario is apposite , the dominant may forcibly lead
the submissive to the place of punishment and personally make all ready .
6 . Execution
The penalty is inflicted with the chosen rod .
7 . Aftermath
The culprit is forgiven . This may lead directly to more orthodox
lovemaking . "
Brandy's need for her wrongdoing to be detected and
acted upon , is therefore standard fare for those of us
with CP inclinations . Any diminution of the one's ideal scenario is
compromise .
I would be interested to hear from all contributors to
this site as to whether they they fit the above scenario or where they differ
from it .
Ryan
Ryan ,
Excellent article . I enjoyed it and with spanking being a subset of
flagellation I found this very interesting .
I fit that when it is deemed that I am due a punishment spanking . One step ties
into another . We have so few guidelines set up and I do what I have to do that
I rarely go into the punishment mode . So my ideals and ideas concerning being
spanked are fixed so that I can have what I need , want and crave so I get from
4 to 7 on a regular basis and sometimes an erotic for pain can supercede a
punishment if that makes sense . I have had only a few real punishment spankings
and Ryan I run far and I run wide from them as the mental anguish and the
physical anguish together is just a lot for me to handle and I hate them .
This was a great article for people that perhaps could not put their feelings
into words at what they really might want . It is one worth
printing out and showing to your partner .
In my world of DD I was first spanked non-consensual back in the early 70's for
being an absolute pain . I deserved it and he said if I were to be his and
wanted to act out of line then to expect this . Little did the man know he had a
woman wired for spanking also and I agreed right after I um was forgiven . LOL I
only am submissive for him and I don't uncapitalise my name as we are partners
with his word being the final decision after we both have equal say . I respect
and trust him
as he earned that way back when . I would go to hell and back for him as he
would for me and a couple of times Ryan we hit that hell and came back not
unscathed but deeper in love and respect and honour for each other . Are we calm
and peaceful all the time ? Heck no we are very healthy debating adults and well
the forgiving part is the best . LOL I was never a cure all for anything but it
has been a help and most important a hell of a lot of fun at times . **WEG**
Even with not being in the punishing mode you can be dominated very well by just
the illusion being held down or scissor legged between your spankers legs .
Ok I probably went further than you were looking for but one thought leads to
another . Thank you so much for a great article .
Lynn
............. postings in Spanking_Queensland
